From The Hard Times (Satire)
Local punk band Bobby Mahoney and the Seventh Son announced today ticket presales for their upcoming tour, including a $50 “no meet and greet” option which will prevent the band from engaging in any awkward small talk with the purchaser.
“For just $50, you can attend our show in relative peace,” the band wrote in the presale explanation. “We pledge not to approach or otherwise interact socially with purchasers of this VIP package. Everyone who takes advantage of this deal will be handed a bright orange vest on entry, which will alert each member of our band to stay away from you as much as possible.”
Fans with an aversion to human contact were delighted by the option to minimize socializing.
“Nothing ruins a show for me quite like having sweaty band dudes hungry for validation trap me in a conversation as I’m exiting the bathroom,” said antisocial fan Barney Smith. “$50 is a small price to pay to not have to say, ‘Nice set, dude,’ and act like you mean it.”